Uneasy Feelings

My mystery illness sends fire through my guts and my excessive marijuana consumption clouds my head and makes it heavy.
Why is it that self medication is more appealing then actually fixing my brain? Because avoidance, cushioning, memory loss offers an easy path, confrontation and work are the alternatives to wrapping my brain in the cloud of oblivion each luxurious pull brings.
I like forgetting, I like silence and soothing stupidity. I like smoking, I like the feel of pulling poisons deep into my body, deeper then any lover.
Mr Eye confuses me and makes me eat. That old comfort food thing rears again it's ugly head. I want to be thinner and more attractive, yet feeling fat and unattractive makes me eat, hmm. Break the habit, break the mold, free myself from food.
Mr Eye behaves as though he wants me, yet lies next to me all night without a touch. I am once again spending my time with a man who wants intimacy of the mind but not the body. This time things will be different, this time I am stronger and he is not my whole life.
The Dude has taught me well the pain of unrequited love, especially between best friends. So sorry Mr Eye but this time I am not accepting friendship, I want more and I am not sticking around and desperately loving someone who does not want me.
So Mr Eye where to from here? We shall see, it is early days yet. Would it be fair to warn him of my stance? To say "no sex no play?" Best not to, the man has enough issues already. And it would destroy my carefully constructed casual attitude. Best to enjoy the ride, accept the incongruent behaviour and see where this is all leading.
Mr Eye, I did so enjoy our romp, I like the feel of you inside me, we worked well together for our mutual pleasure. Let us enjoy again or it may be the end of this. I would rather it not be a brief bittersweet affair, but it is not my choice to make, rather a joint consultation prcoess.